Ladies, You Have to Treat Men Right, Too!

We want to lead a balanced life that includes time with and our hobbies in a fifty hour work week while making sure we get eight hours of sleep every night. At the same time we also want to fairly share our lives with someone special. But where do we fit in the time to look for love? If we don’t make time to look for love we need to think about whether it’s a priority for us right now. When it is we need to make it part of our life. Schedule time to attend to your online profile, participate in various social events, and also make an effort to generally meet new people. Going on a date only once every several months is not necessarily giving yourself the opportunity at finding love. Should you want to spend everything with someone special you need to make room in your schedule to find them because love will not walk right up to you if you’re not looking for Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook20Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: being single, Dating, rejection, staying positive Photo Cred: Scott Web When you think of a strong woman, what comes to mind? Manipulative, controlling, bossy, aloof, and always busy? No, when I think of a good woman, I think of a woman who is self-aware, perceptive, reasonable, and not afraid to fairly share her time, her warmth and her love using the people in her life. Yes, I am thinking about you. You are all of those wonderful things and more.

You are stunning. You are awesome. You deserve the most effective! And yet, for so long, you have been trapped in a stigma when it comes to love. You’ve tried to “play it dumb”, and found that men didn’t respond to the damsel in distress anymore. You’ve tried to “be yourself”, and found that wearing your power suit to a date didn’t work, either. Sometimes, you even wonder what “be yourself” truly means – does it mean your work self, your girl self, or your most vulnerable self (in front of Mom)? The answer is, every one of the above – just not all at the same time! Personally, I adore dealing with strong women – quite contrary to popular opinions, I see that the hard work you’ve put into becoming successful in your career are not wasted or counterproductive when it comes to love. What prompt you to successful at your workplace will prompt you to successful in love.

Once you recognize the three secret powers you have already cultivated and how to exercise them in love, you will be unstoppable in finding and enchanting the love of your dreams. So, what are they? 1. You have learned to adapt rapidly to be effective in achieving your goal. None of us was born to be completely dominant or submissive, completely masculine or feminine. Nature and nurture are both strong forces working in concert to create our experiences and expectations of ourselves and of others. It’s not until the last hundred years of human history that nurture has encouraged strong women to be more assertive, strategic and logical to be effective at the job – and look how far we’ve come! If anything, it demonstrates to you how rapidly it is possible to adapt. So, if your goal in love is to find a man who is masculine, considerate and kind, I am confident in your capacity to flip the switch when you get off work, and adapt to your feminine, appreciative and caring self to attract him into your life, exactly like how my friend Michelle Zarin ( link: shared in her recent video (link: on the imbalance of feminine energy and how we can rebalance it, together. 2. You know what you want, how to ask for them, and when to walk away. In your career, you’ve learned how to accurately assess your worth, how to evaluate opportunities, how to ask for what you want, and when to walk You’ve learned how to gauge the best timing and tactics to ask for a raise or promotion. You’ve learned to tailor critical conversations to any specific audience. It shouldn’t surprise you that what prompt you to a good communicator and negotiator at your workplace are exactly what will prompt you to an excellent communicator and negotiator in love. Next time your needs are not being met in a relationship, I am confident you will be able to have an adult conversation with your partner without getting emotional or dramatic; I am confident in your persuasive power that makes both you and your partner feel happier and better understood, in the place of angry or under attack. I am also confident you won’t be afraid to walk away with grace, if you realize the relationship no longer fulfills your needs or matches your self-worth.

From Head to Heart: A Grounded Approach to Relationships & Dating

If you read my friend Harvey Deutschendorf’s (link: advice on Seven Steps To Getting Through Difficult Conversations ( link: (at your workplace), you’ll be surprised how much it is possible to apply equivalent, in love.

3. You understand the burden of responsibility; you are not afraid to take on your own share, and you are not afraid to collaborate with men. What is the role of a strong woman today? She is no further Nora from A Doll’s House, and yet she actually is still far from Furiosa from the latest Mad Max. Tremendous progress has been made by both men and women to understand each other and support each other on a much deeper level than ever before, and yet the reality today still requires women to shoulder the majority of the responsibilities with regards to communication in relationships, youngster rearing, and rearing, building and nurturing the networks around families – in general. a certainly strong woman today features a level-headed grasp of this reality and the responsibilities it entails, and she’s not afraid to assume her ever-more complex role – both to ensure the peace and prosperity through this reality, and to advance humanity for both genders to evolve to the next level through her work and through educating her young ones. To achieve both, she understands the road to success is not to compete with men but to collaborate with men. When you think of your life’s purpose and the meaning of love, I am confident you will think of it within the context of our reality, and I am confident you will think of something larger than yourself. Therefore, you will not be afraid to admit that you might want a man’s help to achieve it together.

When you do that, can you imagine how much a good man would love to help? If you are nodding with a smile right now, I know you already have these three secret powers in your possession. The real question is: what’s been hold you back from stepping into your role of a certainly strong woman, and unleashing your secret powers in love? Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook18Tweet0Pin2 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: Collaboration, communication, Dating, Feminine, love, Relationships, Strong Women Is love really just a click away? Welcome to part deux of my interview with Pablo Pappano the film maker behind ‘Clicking for Love, ‘ a documentary about online dating, mating and how to fashion your personal Ninja throwing stars (okay, maybe he didn’t talk about ninja throwing stars, nevertheless they’re sooo cool!) In part one of our interview, the thing that I came away with that really got my attention about online daters is their propensity to seek out equivalent people and same types of relationships online that they did in actual life; in person. Essentially, it’s not necessarily the online world that sends crazies toward the people who find them online; it’s the pattern of behavior; the failure to learn to accomplish the opposite of what they’ve always done. That said, let’s see what else Pablo has to say about online mating and dating! Alex: Did you find it hard to the footage that you took of the guy getting shot down (Ali)? I tell you, it was tough for me! I don’t need any reminders of my pathetic online/IRL dating record. It made me cringe, Pablo. Pablo Pappano: (laughs) It was like deja vu. I’ve had that experience so many times.

there is a relationship before you met them through emails and phone calls and all that stuff. You feel like you know them and you go meet them and you just don’t work well in person. Ali, it happened to him on his date, I’ve experienced and so have a lot of other people who have dated online. It shows how men and women misinterpret things when they text, email or chat online; there’s no substitute for the real thing. Alex:  Did you learn any interesting stats about online dating while making this movie? Pablo Pappano: Finding stats was difficult; it was just plain hard to find credible information. A lady who worked for Match said that they have 15 million people, but only 1 million are paying members. I found this one match making company would send out employees to go on dates making use of their members, to bolster their site’s dating pool! Companies seem to play loose with their numbers, so that you’re not getting the real numbers that they tell you in their advertisements! Men and women mis­in­ter­pret things when they text, email or chat online; there’s no sub­sti­tute for the real thing. Alex: Which company sent employees on dates making use of their members!? Dish it, man! (Pablo’s iron look and ninja like reflexes are telling me there’s not going to be an answer to that question that escapes his lips.) Alex: Did you come across any Dating Coaches, Professional Wing People, or Pickup Artists while filming? If so, what did you might think of them? Pablo Pappano: (laughs) The interesting thing I found out about dating coaches is how much they bitch and moan about each other.

It’s really quite funny. Dating Coaches like Evan Marc Katz will reshape a person’s profile.

Search Terms People Use to Find Dating Relationship Bloggers

Sometimes it’s not always the most accurate representation of who a person is. Nonetheless, the job of a Dating Coach is always to make their clients look great and cover up less desirable traits. There was clearly one story a dating coach told me. His client was a Neo Nazi. In the place of stating that, the date coach instead described the client as an avid fan of World War II history. They help people design their online profiles, take pics of you and help you with your wardrobe and cause you to attractive to a ton of people. Andy went to a matchmaker in addition they seemed to match him with similar people that he met in actual life. Was there value there for him? It’s a different experience for everybody else. Gotta tell you, this scene was the most difficult to watch. Looks like their having fun right? Oooh, sure didn’t end that way… Alex: So are you in a relationship? Did you guys Click to Find Love?

Pablo Pappano: Yes I am and yes we did! We met on E-Harmony and we have been together for over two years. I’ve thought about marriage with her. We’ve talked about it, and she’s younger and going to school. I think she needs to finish school before we decide anything. I just want to take it one day at a time and see where things go. Her family is pretty conservative; and generally tend to marry right out of highschool and get family started right away. For me, I’m taking it slow and seeing where things go.

Alex: Do you have any parting words of wisdom for our readers who might date online? Pablo Pappano: Temper the level of honesty in your information, but you don’t want to be dishonest. If you’re too honest, you won’t find anyone… You have to balance the truth with what is fake. Don’t set your expectations so high. Be casual, don’t put pressure on yourself. Ask yourself if this is some one I am able to have a good conversation with, even if they aren’t an amazing 10 to you. You’ll have the most fun if you do! Oh and CL (Craigslist) is a whole other realm of weirdness… I mean, really. Director’s Bio: Pablo Pappano went to the film school at Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles where he directed the short films Sick (narrative) and Trinidad (documentary). He was a co-writer of the film Creepshow III for the segment titled “The Call Girl” for Taurus Films. Recently, Pablo directed a speculative retail for after being a longtime member.

He currently works as the  Vice President of Operations at his family’s exterior maintenance company and spends his leisure time pursuing his dream of making films. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: clicking for love, love, Online Dating, pablo pappano, Sex I went to Clarksdale, Mississippi to check out the music scene. I’ve traveled alone in the US and used dating apps to meet locals before, so I tried my luck there. I made plans with a match to come and watch a band at my hotel, and to search for a bar downtown afterward. First Bar: I could hear him talking at the bar from the other side of the room. I’m not a naturally loud person and being able to hear someone from that distance made me uncomfortable. He brought A canadian couple to join us, and he and the man started talking. A man at the next table gestured for him to be quiet, and I told him to keep it down. He started again, so I waved my hand in front of his face and made the “shhh” sign, and advised we go somewhere else to talk. Drive, and Restaurant: I climbed into his truck after he emptied the garbage out of the passenger side. He took sips out of a Red Solo cup as we drove. He dodged potholes and other cars parked on the side of the road on your way and pulled up in front of a restaurant.

He introduced me to the owners, who he knew, but high-fived two people he’d only just met as if he’d known them his whole life. Red’s: We moved to Red’s, a proper old “juke joint” with a tiny bar, chairs and tables facing the band, and three guys arranged making use of their instruments on the floor. The lead singer and guitarist are known for their talent, and I enjoyed watching them! We sat at a table with a couple – one Italian, one Colombian – from Chicago. The couple nodded as he told them about his trips to Chicago, his Colombian friend, and when he told the woman off for not clapping loudly enough. He kept slapping people on the shoulder and yelling in their faces. I focused on the band, in the place of his half-assed attempts at conversation, and watched him go outside with someone. Stranded: I sooner or later decided to leave and I couldn’t see him when I went out. I called a cab company nevertheless they wouldn’t answer. Since he had driven, I had no way to have home. I saw a police car drive past, called the local station, in addition they agreed to send someone to take me back once again to my hotel. I texted to ask if he had left, and it started an argument. While I acknowledge I didn’t take part in conversation the complete time, I think should you want to leave someone – alone – in a spot they don’t know, you should tell them. The exchange below was edited for brevity: Me: Did you leave the bar? Him: Yeah you wouldn’t even keep in touch with me so good luck Me: I am stranded in this little town and hey, I didn’t want to speak to you although the band was playing.

It’s rude. Him: I left hour ago. And you didn’t speak to me while it was just me and you outside. I’m not going to be used. Google jolly cab. Me: Oh I have and they’re not answering. By the way, when a band is playing, you sit and listen. Him: You were extremely rude stop blaming the band. Me: I would have driven myself if I’d known you were going to be a child.

The police are taking me home so, at least I am able to look after myself. Him: Be a good person next time. Don’t make an effort to use me and ignore me and then get mad when I get tired of it. Me: I wasn’t using you or ignoring you. I just didn’t want to have you all over me or yelling within the band. You were up and down every two seconds talking and dancing anyway. You could have at least said you were leaving but whatever. Him: I bought your drinks and dinner, took you everywhere you wanted, got ignored the complete fucking time, dealt with it. Tried my best.

Me: Why should I keep in touch with you when I’ve arrive at a bar to listen to music? Him: There were several times including the walk to the bar and the time smoking that you ignored me. I’m cool with that but don’t get mad when I leave. Me: that you do not believe that leaving a person who doesn’t live here, in a spot they don’t know, that doesn’t have a reliable cab company is maybe a little wrong? Him: I’m not trying to be a fucking taxi. That you do not think using someone is wrong? Me: I didn’t use you at all, I was talking at dinner, in the car. But when a band is playing, I would like to listen. Him: Then say that don’t be a rude cunt Me: I did tell you at the first bar. Everyone else in the bar wanted you to shut up too. Why do you might think I wanted to leave?

Him: it is possible to say anything you want to me and tell me anything and we are all good. But i am going to not be treated like your fucking yankee doorman. We don’t have those here. Me: I did tell you to shut up! Him: No you never did that’s what’s wrong. You just started ignoring me. Me: I did. I waved in the front of your face and “shooshed” you at the first band. If no one else is talking why do you have to talk? Lessons Learned: 1. It isn’t enough for a woman to go on a date with someone. You have to behave according to their expectations at all times. 2. Don’t expect the “nice guy” act to continue when you’ve shown them it is possible to look after yourself. 3. Don’t ever, for one minute, think you need a man to go with you anywhere, no matter where you are. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: bumble, Dating, nice guys, stranded *Note – I’ve never actually had anyone post about a date they had with me… Perhaps it’s because I send women screaming or something like that.

But the lovely Nikki offered one such post up for me… It’s un-edited (in addition to this bit), enjoy! – Alex* I went back on OKCupid because I was absolutely bored one day and suffering from the most hellish cold. Being single has its perks for sure but one thing I really miss is the comfort of a man when I’m down and out with a case of the sniffles. If I can’t have a man in my very cold bed (no pun intended) I will take the next best thing and troll the Internet! Have you thought to! Craigslist is a bit too lowbrow and I remember that I did have an OKC profile when my now defunct relationship was in a bit of a time out. I have been dating but I needed more. I needed attention. I reactivated my and behold I got some hits. Being the picky bitch that I am I found nobody I was remotely into. Maybe the divorced 48 year old 300 pound father of four whose main pic was of him adorning a black leather vest while sitting on his Harley who so eloquently penned that he desires to “fuck me till I bleed”, or the guy with no shirt on but a better physique that was into “cuckolding” (had to look that up. YIKES!), maybe the 22 year old kid with gray teeth who looked nothing short of Napoleon Dynamite? Who is a girl likely to choose among these fine suitors?

I sighed as I sniffled into my cup of chamomile tea. I shut my computer off and passed out for the evening feeling slightly defeated. No attention from anyone noteworthy. Le sigh. So it goes. I didn’t really think a lot of about the profile I posted and I had received some pings into my Gmail regarding emails waiting from possible potentials on OKC waiting for a response. I didn’t even read most of them. I did, nonetheless, take a peek at one who turned out to be UD (Urban Dater) I liked the profile. I liked the “I’m cooler than the other side regarding the pillow… Well, actually, only my mom says that…” Owns own business and the big kicker for me was that he is 6’4.

Me being 5’10, I never meet anyone taller then me so I liked that.

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